You Might be German If...

Some of you might be confused about why it is so special that I am over here living like a German. You might say, "Well Sadie, I am not sure you're justified in presenting your experience as exotic. You're in a first world country with educated people...bla bla bla!". Well first of all, if you're saying that, then you haven't been paying attention to a THING I've been saying so far (time travel, Stuhl der Einsamkeit, broken bikes...). Secondly, I can understand why you might still insist that humans are humans, and despite everything living in Germany shouldn't be so different. To really get my point across, I'll outline a few things that make Germans sooo...German. You may be well aware of most of these differences, but I would like you to take a minute and assess your own life. Are you German? Would you fit in over here? If so, as always, I say come on over! We can bike to school together in the freezing cold then come back and watch some bad German TV until we pass out on my couch/bed full of chocolate and beer.

You might be German if...
1. in order to park in your garage, you must first turn your car off, open your garage door, start the car and drive in, then climb out through the sunroof due to the maxium garage width of ~8 feet.

2. your house or place of work is either as cold as or colder than it is outside.

3. your windows open in a minimum of three ways (tipped, wide open, both wide open, open from the top...), and have a minimum open time of 5 hours per day.

4. your shower head points out towards the direction that the shower is the most shallow, so that your bathroom floor is a small wading pool by the end of the shower. or the other option...

5. your shower head is broken

6. you never learned the horrible implications of breaking in line in elementary school, therefore you commonly use your shopping cart as a weapon in the grocery store and your elbows as crowbars in department stores in order to be the first in line.

7. your concept of up and coming techonology is the Internet

8. you've never drawn a line without using a ruler

9. you have at least one trash can per type of disposable material, including: paper, plastic, paper with plastic on it, trash, biodegradable.

10. you think dating the boy/girl down the street is a long distance relationship

11. your grasp of the english language includes the words "f*ck", "Bush sucks", and "Barack Obama"

12. you have an incomprehensible love for Cowboys and Indians

13. you and your boyfriend/girlfriend wear the same cologne and/or have the same haircut

14. You think placing the item divider after your stuff on the belt at the grocery store is one of the most important things you could do for your well being and you will stop at NOTHING in order to put it there.


So read through these carefully, and decide for yourself if you're living in the right country. You may be happier in the land of beer and potatoes. It is different over here. I have come to embrace some things, while others I still have trouble with (breaking in line is NEVER ok!). To say the least, I am glad to get to know where I stand as an American, and I am glad the Germans are willing to share their way of life with me.