Food for thought (more like Food Poisoning)

Daily life here has been about status quo. I went to an American party at a friend's house this weekend. It was good to see friends and listen to music loudly while dancing. It reminded me of the freedom of spirit I still have somewhere inside.

Otherwise, life is a bit dull from the outside. Little is happening in school...either the predictable Stuhl der Einsamkeit or the nerve-wrecking suicide mission of standing in front of a group of people expecting the worst. It becomes difficult to succeed when everyone is betting against you.

These kind of things make me contemplate my position as an "American ambassador", as Fulbright describes it, here. I was reading through the text book that the 13th grade English teachers teach from. The unit is called "USA Myth and Reality". I am almost at a loss of words. How do I address the ignorance that I am forced to meet every day with a clueless American smile? This tsunami of hatred and disdain for the United States faces me on a daily basis, and the best I can do as a noble "ambassador" is to not respond with the equivalent emotion with which they meet me. The following is a poem published without an author in my book:

The Contrapuntal Civilization*

I have died
in Vietnam
But I have walked
the face of the moon.

I have befouled the waters
and tainted the air of a
magnificent land. But I have
made it safe from disease.

I have flown through the
sky faster than the sun.
But I have idled in the streets
made ugly with traffic.

I have littered the land
with garbage.
But I have built upon it
a hundred million homes.

I have divided schools
with my prejudice
But I have sent armies
to unite them.

I have beat down my enemies
with clubs.
But I have built courtrooms
to keep them free.

I have built a bomb
to destroy the world.
But I have used it
to light a light.

I have outraged my brothers
in the alleys of the ghetto.
But I have transplanted
a human heart.

I have scribbled out
filth and pornography.
But I have elevated
the philosophy of man.

I have watched children
starve from my golden towers.
But I have fed
half the earth.

I was raised
in a grotesque slum.
But I am surfeited by
the silver spoon of opulence.

I live in the greatest country
in the world in the greatest time
in history. But I scorn the ground
I stand upon.

I am ashamed.
But I am proud.
I am an American.

This is just a small sample of the attitude I face on a daily basis here. These kinds of things are part of the state-sanctioned literature for students to read. And I, as an individual, am expected to face this front, to dive into the wave, so to say. I often feel lost and alone in this place. Things like "benefit of the doubt" and "open mindedness" are not expected of the students here. In my experience with my school, I have witnessed the teachings of fear. The teachings that America is a world of contradictions, where we say one thing, but the reality is different. Rather than allowing individual assessment of a culture, a dogma of doubt is on the lesson plan.

I get exhausted after just a few hours of school here. I rarely teach, however I am still constantly standing on a platform like a pig at a county fair. My ability to withstand these types of criticisms without volatile reactions defines my success here. I create connections by defying the types of stereotypes put forth in that poem. I have a whole list of published works to fight against, but it is my hope that simple patience and confidence will allow me to complete my task gracefully.

I can only hope that one day in lives of these students, they will remember the constancy that the Americans who visited here had. That we were able to teach the good and the bad about our country, and that we were able to display confidence in the principles of our nation in the face of a nation of doubt.

*Poem from: The New Summit, published by Schoeningh in 2007.