Public Transportation Part One

I've decided that it is essential for you to understand my relationship with modes of transportation other than the bike, for they are a fundamental part of my life here. So I have a series of posts prepared to inform you on just how I get around this place.

Transportation in general has always been an issue for me. I can't name the number of times we've had to stop the car on the way to Grandma's so I could barf out the window. I get wheezy when I run, and I am one of the slowest walkers I know. (You guys already get it with the bike situation.) So it is no question that subjecting myself to other modes of transportation that not only depend on my ability to successfully move, but also the coordination of a whole group of people, always results in frustration.

Why the Bus and I aren't friends:

Bus Schedules:

Each bus stop has a chart that is supposed to be catered to humans of normal intelligence. I consider myself a smart person...at least average...but I could stand in front of that stupid post for an hour before I would actually be able to draw some sort of information about WHEN the bus comes. I am reminded of those "Seeing Eye" puzzles, where if you just stand there for a while, the right arrival time will just pop out at you like the hot air balloon in those pictures. I can't even begin to describe how hard it is to find out WHERE the bus is going. That information, I am pretty sure, is given out at secret bus rider meetings that I am obviously not invited to.

Bus Riders:

All of that is not to mention that once you get ON the bus, you have to fight to keep your lunch down among the smelly public and jostling seats. I will not be shy about the fact that I consider myself one of the best-bathed people walking around this place, especially when we're talking about bus riders. I wish it were that my cleanliness would rub off on them, but alas it is their stank that I absorb and take with me wherever I go for the rest of the day.

On top of that, I am usually the only one on the bus who isn't under the assumption that pushing and shoving should be a part of every day life. I feel sometimes as if I've just been through a rock polisher or some other machine that involves lots of jostling and bumping after I get off the bus. (And bad breath is much easier to smell in a confined, bumpy environment.)

Buses:

Have you ever ridden a bus? I am not going to pretend that buses in Germany are worse than anywhere else. Its just that I have to ride these awful dinosaurs so frequently in this country that I am exposed to their flaws much more often. Specifically, the buses in Dinslaken, where I live, must be part of some living museum exhibition they have going on over here. The vehicles are sometimes so dirty that its impossible to see out the window, the seats are taped together with duct tape (the only use for duct tape I have noticed here), and the smell has the potency of, well an ancient bus. I almost have to charge against the force of the thick smell of old polyester seats, diesel, BO, and whatever else you care to imagine is probably on the floor or under the seats.

So in my opinion, the are really only a few reasons why you should ride the bus willingly, and none of them involve transportation: to keep your intellectual ego in check, to feel better about your hygienic status, to feel real human contact (albeit in the form of mild violence), or to feel like a hero after surviving a harrowing experience riding through town.